Sunday, March 28, 2010

Diplomacy in the time of war !!

Diplomacy is the currency in which nations trade when it comes to foreign policy. With all the political tussle between India and Pakistan over 26/11 attack and the ongoing drama over Amir Ajmal Kasab, David Headley and the useless bilateral dossiers exchange, no solution is in sight at all, not atleast till Headley dies a peaceful death at 80 or Kasab gets his grandchildren married in a special cell in India. Anyways, lets hope, let us think of a hypothetical situation; India goes to war with Pakistan today. How will it alter the power equations in the world, which strategic relationships will work and which wont, how will the allies and daddies is my own perspective on it, countrywise:

Unites States: Obama addresses a gargantuan crowd at White House in a Hollywood movie style and declare to help its ally, Pakistan since no mission against the 'bad' taliban and Al-Queda can be successful in Afghan-Pak border without Pak's land and assistance. 'But we can't attack India, it's one of our biggest markets' says one among the litterati. Obama says 'YES..WE CAN' !!

Iran: Stuck in between hostility to U.S. and a soft corner for Pakistan, issues two statements: 'U.S. should mind its own business, bloody killers!'
'India should not have attacked Pakistan, all bollywood movies off the screens now'.

Bangladesh: Starts setting Pak military bases on its land, assured by Pak to get back Ms. Taslima Nasreen as a reward.

China: adopts a new slogan 'Paki-Chini bhai-bhai'. Busy hacking Indian govt and defense sites and buying markers to redraw The McMahon Line. Arunachal Pradesh is in and Dalai Lama is incarcerated at some unknown location, untraceable even by the pulled-out-of-china Google Earth :P

Afghanistan: Hamid Karzai sends all 'bad' Taliban to fight for Pakistan and engages the 'good' Taliban in capturing voting booths to help him win his third straight term landslide victory.

Russia: An old ally of India, does its bit by selling more and more military warfare to India at double the price and promises to help India in its rebuilding and peace restoration efforts after the war.

Maldives: Achieves one more feat with another under-sea water cabinet meeting and signs one more Declaration stating, 'Terminating all trade(??) with Pakistan and lending our full support to Indian state'.

France: Nicholas Sarkozy, on his 6th Honeymoon, not with Carla but with his new mistress, sipping champagne and sunbathing at Miami, assures India to send its forces by sea, to reach Indian shores in 5 months time.

United Kingdom: makes hay while the sun shines: tightens its immigration policy and stops issuing visas to all Pakistanis, and issues a statement in public interest, 'Please refrain from visiting India, East London has anyways turned a miniature one now'.

Sri Lanka: Mahinda Rajapakse is a jaded tiger after quelling the LTTE tigers, and has no money-making body except tea-plantation and a cricket board. Still assures to rehabilitate all Tamilians from Tamil Nadu.

Cuba: sends its elephantine team of doctors and nurses to South-Asian region, whomsoever it may attend to.

United Nations: maintains wait and watch policy, readies peace-keeping forces, half of which are always Indians, to be deployed after the war.

Australia: calls back all its cricket players from IPL with immediate effect, and warns its citizens, 'No more racist attacks 'required' on Indians, we are 'extraditing' them back..They will anyway perish' !!


riteja said...

nice one!

shilpa said...

nice...China & Australia rocks :)

narendra pant said...

nice one .... @ Afghanistan ..lolz